Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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