you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
