I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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