Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
