I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
