hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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