I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
