I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
