I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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