I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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