the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
