Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
