omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
