My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize