would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
