I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Its about making memories worth repressing
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
