kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize