she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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