$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
