I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
