just tell him i said nine months
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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