Don't make out with my wife yet
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
