I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
