i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So squirting runs in the family.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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