I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
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