Rock
Scissors
Fuck
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
two words...techno handjob
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
