Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
