I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
