I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize