A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
