i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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