Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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