So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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