Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
