You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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