This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
