our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
