where am i from again
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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