Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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