Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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