You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
