if only i could text you this smell
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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