Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
