I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
