I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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