the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
