I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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