He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
