hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
