I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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