4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
