Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
