never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
