hotel room ftw
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
