he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
