she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize