so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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