I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
