I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
