apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
