Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
