At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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