Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Drunk is a universal language darling
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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