dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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