I am in a vortex of obligation.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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