I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
