He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
