just come out here and I will go home with you...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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