im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
