you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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