I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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