Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
