As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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