her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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