Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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