WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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