I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
